That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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