we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
