there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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