Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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