Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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