thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
