My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
