Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
