it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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