it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
