Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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