i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
