Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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