Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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