You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
