I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
