there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
