we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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