I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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