I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
