Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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