I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
