My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
