I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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