Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
