ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
