That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize