Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
