Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
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