he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
