well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
