she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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