she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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