Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
