It's like God shit irony all over that family
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
