4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
