seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
