how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
This gyro tastes like lonliness
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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