this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
