Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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