yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
