Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
if only i could text you this smell
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
