I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
