remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
