I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
