worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
