Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
