sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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