FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
