Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
