i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
