Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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