this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
