I just pynch a tree in the face
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Let's paint friendship bongs
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
