dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
