I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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