So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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