Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
