We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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