WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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