I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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