i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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