Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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