i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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