i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
They are going to name an STD after you.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
