i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
