whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
