I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
