Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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